Sunday 14 July marks International Non-Binary People’s Day. To commemorate the day, I thought I would write something to answer three of the most common questions that people have about what being non-binary means. I’m Chris Fenton, I’m the Head of Data and Architecture at Browne Jacobson, and I work with clients and our legal teams to ensure we are getting the most from our data and technology investments. I’m non-binary, and so hopefully, I can help people understand what it means to identify in this way.
What does non-binary mean?
In today’s western society, many people think about gender as being male and female. Even if we recognise transgender individuals, for the most part, we consider people who are transitioning from one gender binary to the other; someone who is assigned male at birth transitioning to be female and vice versa. What if we were to consider gender on a spectrum rather than a binary, with some people identifying within the binary of male or female and others being somewhere in between? When we consider masculinity and femininity, we can probably imagine a masculine woman or a feminine man. This can give you some idea of what we mean when we say that gender is a spectrum.
In fact, the term non-binary refers to several different ways of experiencing and identifying gender. For some people, they feel like they have no gender at all; for some, they feel like they are neutral and sit right in the middle of the gender spectrum; and for others, they feel that their gender is fluid and identify with different aspects of themselves to move across the spectrum. For people who are gender fluid, one day they may feel more aligned to their masculine self and another to their more feminine self. This explanation is simplified but hopefully illustrates the many ways that non-binary people experience gender.
For me personally, I identify as genderqueer. I’d say that this is similar to being gender fluid in that I recognise the masculine and feminine sides of my gender, but rather than being completely fluid, I see myself being somewhere in the middle but not necessarily neutral. It also aligns with my sexuality as someone who is pansexual and shows my affinity to the queer community.
The important thing to recognise about people who identify as non-binary is that they have many different experiences of their gender and how they identify. The one thing they have in common is they aren’t constrained to experience their gender within the gender binary. Many people who are non-binary will have spent a great deal of time and energy reflecting on their gender, and so it’s important that all of us approach non-binary people with compassion and an open curiosity.
What pronouns do non-binary people use, and why are they important?
For many cisgender people (cisgender, sometimes shortened to cis, comes from Latin and means ‘on the same side as’ as opposed to trans which means ‘on the opposite side as’), having people treat you as the gender you identify with is taken for granted. A cis man or woman goes through their day expecting people to interact with them in a way that befits the gender they align with. The societal norms to which cis people subscribe are well known and ubiquitous. For transgender and non-binary people, this often isn’t the case. Having someone misgender you can be a painful and emotionally challenging experience, and for trans and non-binary people, this can be an everyday occurrence.
Pronouns are common currency in the way that we address and acknowledge someone’s gender identity. For cis men, we would typically use the pronouns he/him/his and for cis women, she/her/hers. Many non-binary people use the pronouns they/them/theirs, often shortened to they/them for simplicity. The use of the singular ‘they’ to identify a non-binary person demonstrates their identity as neither male nor female and validates their experience as someone who lives outside of the gender binary.
It’s worth noting that not all non-binary people use they/them pronouns and there are several alternatives. The important aspect is the use of pronouns to demonstrate an identity outside of the gender binary. For a while, I used the pronouns he/they to recognize my masculine presentation while acknowledging my non-binary identity. I later changed my pronouns to they/them as I became more confident in my understanding of my gender identity.
When someone identifies as non-binary, they often want to express their gender much like anyone else. For non-binary people who feel discomfort at being misgendered, having the people around them acknowledge their gender identity can be extremely empowering and help them feel accepted in society. Pronouns are a powerful way to express your gender identity for both cis and non-binary people alike.
Why don’t you look androgynous?
Much like pronouns, western society has a clear idea of how a man or woman should look, act, sound, and dress. When considering non-binary people, it is often the case that we imagine a person who looks neither male nor female. As the term non-binary is used to represent people who identify on the gender spectrum in many ways, it’s not unreasonable to assume that the way non-binary people present their gender will differ from person to person.
We must also consider that for many people, identifying as non-binary is a journey and not something that happens overnight. Non-binary people will present their gender in many ways including their use of pronouns, the way they dress, act, and speak. For some individuals, this journey might start with a change in their hair or wearing clothing that’s typically associated with the opposite gender to the one they were assigned at birth.
Some non-binary people will consider medical procedures to alter the way they present. This can include hormone treatments and surgical procedures to reduce or alter an aspect of their body. Given the risks and financial costs associated with medical procedures, this may not be to everyone’s taste, so we shouldn’t assume that this is always the case.
Non-binary people can and do present their gender in many ways. This presentation is also likely to change over time as they learn more about their gender identity or become more comfortable presenting themselves in society. It’s important to support everyone’s personal expression of gender and be open and curious about why someone may look or dress a certain way.
Allyship
Hopefully, this post has been useful to people who want to learn more about what it means to be non-binary. I’d encourage you to consider how we can all make society a better place for everyone to live and how we can support and empower one another. As we know, diversity leads to better outcomes for everyone, and by supporting non-binary people, we’re helping everyone.
If you would like to learn more about the experiences of non-binary people, I would recommend reading Redoing Gender: How Nonbinary Gender Contributes Toward Social Change by Helana Darwin. The book is an academic study derived from interviews with 47 individuals who identify as non-binary. While it’s academic in nature, in my opinion, it covers some of the core concerns that non-binary people have today and talks about how society can learn from the work that non-binary people do to understand gender and its place in society.
The Alliance Network 